cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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