shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
