Will you blow on my dice?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
