I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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