Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
