i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
