He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
