Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
