she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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