Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
