Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
