also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
