Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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