i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
