he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was CRYING into my vagina
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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