toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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