Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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