her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
me + whiskey = a bad person
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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