your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
