Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
