I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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