Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
