You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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