How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
