I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
