so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're like the curious george of whores
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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