did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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