Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
