I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
