the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
