oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
barbara walters just said penis...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
