That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
