All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
