My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
