thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
