The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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