I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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