Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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