just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
