so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
