I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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