After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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