I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
