Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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