As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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