I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
youre lurking in front of me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you would pick up someone in the library
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
