and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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