Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
