my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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