You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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