I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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