You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
