I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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