people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
