Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
