Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
