I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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