just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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