the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
