she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
