I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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