You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
