Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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