remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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