And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
