i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
