Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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