i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
