Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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