Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
